Story #11

When Kathy got the call from the Niagara Falls, Ontario Mens, Womens, & Co-Ed hockey tournament with claims that there was a group of women who desperately needed a coach to enter the April 2022 tournament she could not believe her ears. She had no experience with this stuff. Sure she had made some, well a lot of thirst tweets about various hockey players, but she didn’t know the first thing about coaching. When the caller then announced that all the women were Big Brother first boots Kathy hung up the phone. No way was she dealing with this. That was no way she was dealing with this until she got an email that night with an offer of a large sum of money in exchange for her services.

“Oh what the hell.” She thought, hitting accept on the poorly worded contract that had been forwarded to her. What was the worst thing that could happen? And clearly these women must be struggling if they’d been scrolling through twitter cross referencing big brother fans with hockey lovers in an attempt to find a competent coach.

When Kathy arrived at Niagara Falls Ice Pavilion what she saw before her was truly a disaster. None of the girls, save for Carol, were even wearing hockey skates, instead sporting figure skates because they “looked cuter for the aesthetic” as Alison explained it. If this were a movie Kathy was sure this was the moment when the inspirational song would play over a compilation of the girls training and miraculously becoming better. However, this was not a movie, and the coach was very certain they would not be in a good playing position in two months for the tournament, and considering there were only 6 girls, their cardio had to improve to even have the energy to stay on the ice constantly. A team is usually 12 forwards (4 lines of 3), 6 defense (3 duos) & 2 goalies. Having such a small set of girls on a team was basically unheard of, and Kathy just knew they had bribed the tournament to allow them entry. But if they were this passionate, maybe it was worth it.

A team is only as strong as their goalie, so Kathy wanted to run Carol through a set of goalie tests before continuing to try and get the team on their feet. Now there are multiple ways to test the strength of the muscles needed for goal tending, but the following steps are the one’s Kathy decided to go with.

First up using a Foam Roll to test tissue quality and mobility.  If it feels pretty good, you pass.  If it’s painful for you then so will goaltending be. Carol grimaced a bit,but the pain did not seem unbearable.  Next was a Deep Overhead Squat.  This one is from Gray Cook’s Functional Movement Screen If a hockey player can get all the way down without lifting their heels or letting the stick drift forward, they are above average which is a great sign. Carol passed this one with flying colours, as flexible as a chinchilla. Next Kathy got Carol to lay on her stomach and slowly pushed on her inner thigh area to see how far out her hips could turn should she fall into a butterfly like pose while guarding the net. In today's age of goaltending there are two common styles, butterfly and hybrid (hybrid is a mix of the traditional stand-up style and butterfly technique). Because of the power of shots, the goaltender wears special equipment designed to protect the body from direct impact. Due to Carol’s now apparent lack of hip rotation she would likely be pushed in a more traditional stand up, or hybrid type of goaltending.


Next Kathy sat down with the Defense Women Lori and Annie. “Now girls, listen up, I’m going to go over some basic tips and I need you to take notes and look alert.”

Annie shoved the rest of the tater tot she was scarfing down into her mouth quickly and pulled out a pad of paper while Lori rolled her eyes and opened the notes app on her phone.

Kathy glared at the eyeroll. “First things first. Support Your Fellow Defenseman damnit. If you don’t have eachothers backs, fronts, sides, asses you will be detrimental to the success of your team.


“Ay ay Captain” Annie said, sounding muffled due to the large amount of tater tots hanging out of her mouth.

“Yeah whatever” Lori scoffed.

“When a defenseman has a position in front of the goal, sometimes there will be a battle for the puck along the boards or behind the net, when this happens it can be tempting to help your teammates and join the battle. This can be disastrous, you need to know when to pick your battles. Clearly you are passionate about this sport and want to perform well, but you need to think with your brains, and not with your money, you cannot bribe your way to the top in this case.” Kathy continued her explanation.  

The girls nodded following along, Lori scowling when bribery was mentioned, but not denying it. They looked like they were genuinely paying attention, which gave Kathy a flicker of hope.

Kathy smiled encouragingly and gave one last piece of advice. “In the offensive zone, the defence skaters usually "play the blue line." It is their duty to keep the puck in the offensive zone by stopping it from crossing the blue line that demarcates where the offensive zone begins. This blue line is your life, guard it with everything you have.”

Satisfied that she had given the girls enough to work on for the time being she pulled Jodi and Sheryl aside for a discussion.

“Now girls. You have an extremely active and important roll on this team. You are on the offensive a good portion of the time, and being proactive about when a teammate receives the puck in the D zone is probably if not definitely the most important non-hands on puck related skill a winger-woman could have. It allows you girls to be one step ahead of the play, and put yourself in the correct position to receive a pass. It is the difference between getting deep and supporting your defenseman Annie and Jodi properly and losing a possible break away opportunity.”


They both nodded fiddling with the ties on their new hockey skates which Kathy had provided upon seeing the mess of figure skates earlier on.

Kathy continued. “Coaches say head on a swivel a ridiculous amount, yet when it comes to being focused on your puck it truly can’t be said enough. The hardest part of being a winger is keeping awareness of where the puck is as well as where the opposing defenseman are. Your feet need to constantly be moving.”

Satisfied with the amount of advice given Kathy moved onto her final player of the day. The center, Allison, who yes, sure did love being the center of attention.

“Allison, are you familiar with football”

The woman nodded unsure of what that had to do with hockey.

“Okay well.” Kathy started. “In hockey a Centerman can be seen as a “quarterback” of their team. They have an incredibly important role and  it is vital for them to have a good amount of knowledge about hockey as a sport. You need to know your team’s plays long before they happen, more so than you even know the back of your own hand. So please read up on the playbook I am working on for you girls and soon as it’s finished, okay?”

Alison nodded.

“Good. Now this goes together with needing to be an exceptional passer. You need to be able to take a starting puck and use a crisp pass top direct it to the proper teammate to execute a play successfully. You will also need to be strong on your skates, so I’d advise walking around the ice more in your hockey skates to get used to them, regardless of your personal aesthetic likes or dislikes. When you are in front of the net, you’ll get pushed and shoved, so you want to be stable, unless you’d like to take a skate to your beautiful face.”

Allison grimaced in pain at the thought. Furiously taking notes on her coaches advice.


Kathy smiled to herself looking back at her team, they were rough, and green, and so new, but so passionate about this sport, and she was actually filled with hope for the tournament in April. Maybe it was possible to do this.