Story #6

Title: What a Mess

Cast List
Amanda Rae
John McGuire
Kathryn Dunn
Zachary Swerdzewski
Keith Henderson
Kevin Campbell
Steven Daigle
Amy Crews
Andrew Gordon
Autumn Daly
Chelsia Hart
Chris Williams
Joe Barber
Lisa Donahue
Liz Nolan
Natalie Carroll
Sharon Obermueller

There once was a hockey coach named Amanda Rae who had put a Women’s Hockey team together to compete in the Olympics. She also had a pet Chinchilla who occasionally ate Tater tots! Did you know hockey has been an olympic sport since 1920? Also Women’s Hockey made its way into the olympics in 1980! Also it is worth noting the names of teams and players on the Stanley Cup are spelt incorrectly very often, including consecutive 5-time Stanley Cup winner Jacques Plante whose name was misspelled differently every single time. Very cool!

Anyways now that i’ve done that, I’m going to use up my remaining 3868 words by copy pasting the transcript of the Bee Movie but replacing all the characters with Random Big Brother players as determined via Brantsteele. Enjoy



cut to John's room, where he's picking out what to wear


John
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Yeah, let's shake it up a little.


Mom (Kat Dunn)
(calling from downstairs:) John! Breakfast is ready!


John:
Coming! (phone rings) Oh, hang on a second. (adjusts his antennas into a headset) Hello?


Zach
(on the phone) John?


John:
Zach?


Zach:
Can you believe this is happening?


John:
I can't believe it. I'll pick you up. (hangs up, sharpens his stinger) Lookin' sharp. (flies downstairs)


Mom:
John, why don't you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those.


John:
Sorry. I'm excited.


Dad (Keith Henderson):
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. And a perfect report card, all B's.


Mom:
Very proud. (touches John's hair)


John:
Ma! I got a thing going here.


Mom:
Ah, you got some lint on your fuzz.


John:
Ow! That's me!


Dad:
Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.


John:
Bye! (flies off)


Mom:
John, I told you, stop flying in the house!



(John drives his car to pick up his classmate. Zach's outside his house, reading the Hive Today newspaper. The front page headline reads "FRISBEE HITS HIVE ! Internet Down. Bee: 'I heard sound, then Wham-o!'")


John:
Hey, Zach.


Zach:
Hey, John. Is that fuzz gel?


John:
A little. It's a special day, finally graduating.


Zach:
Never thought I'd make it.


John:
Yeah, three days grade school, three days high school.


Zach:
Those were so awkward.


John:
Three days college. I'm glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive.


Zach:
You did come back different.



(a bee calls out as they drive past)


Kevin:
Hi, John.


John:
Hey Kevin, growing a mustache? Looks good.


Zach:
Hey, did you hear about Frankie?


John:
Yeah.


Zach:
You goin' to his funeral?


John:
No, I'm not goin' to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.


Zach:
Yeah, I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.



(They make various noises as the car goes up and down some hills and does a loop on the road.)


J & Z
Woah! Oooooooh!


Zach:
I love this incorporating an amusement park right into our regular day.


John:
I guess that's why they say we don't need a vacation.



(They arrive, fly in and take their seats.)


John:
Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances.


John:
Well, Zach, today we are men.


Zach:
We are!


John:
Bee-men.


Zach:
Amen!


J & Z:
Hallelujah! (bumping each other) Aaaaaaaaaaaah!


Announcer:
Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Steven Daigle.



Steven Daigle walks onto the stage and taps the microphone.


Daigle:
Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of... (presses a button to change the timer on the podium from 9:00 to 9:15) ...9:15. And that concludes our graduation ceremonies.



(Students cheer, throw their caps into the air as helmets are placed on their heads.)


Daigle:
And begins your career at Honex Industries!


John:
Are we gonna pick our jobs today?


Zach:
I heard it's just orientation.


John:
Huh. Woah. Heads up! Here we go.



(The stands for Winger University the students are sitting in begin converting into tram seating.)


Female announcer:
Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (flies down to go in the tram as it starts moving and repeats it in Spanish:) Mantenga sus manos y antenas dentro del tranvía en todo momento.


John:
Wonder what it's going to be like?


Zach:
A little scary. (he and John mimic shivering and making scared noises)


Sharon, the Honex tour guide:
Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.


John:
This is it!


everyone:
Wow. (tram moves into the factory floor)


John:
Wow.


Sharon:
We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as...


everyone:
Honey!



(Tour guide grabs a beaker of honey as they drive by and tosses it to the group, which bounce it around towards the back.}


Zach:
That girl was hot.


John:
She's my cousin!


Zach:
She is?


John:
Yes, we're all cousins.


Zach:
Right. You're right.


Sharon:
At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.



(Behind a display window, a bee puts on a helmet, then runs back and forth as levers holding a rolled-up magazine, flyswatter and a shoe move down to try hit him. He is hit by the magazine, dodges the flyswatter, but then hit by the boot and again by all three, followed by being sprayed with aerosol from two cans. He signals he's okay, but is flattened by the flyswatter, magazine and shoe converging to strike him together. He signals he's still okay by poking his arm up through a hole in the flyswatter and giving another thumbs up. The tram riders applaud.)


Zach:
Ooh. What do you think he makes?


John:
Not enough.


Sharon:
And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.


John:
Wow, what does that do?


Sharon:
Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions.



(A Krelman worker waves and Zach waves back.)


Zach:
Uh, uh, can anyone work on the Krelman?


Sharon:
Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life.


John:
The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.


Zach:
What's the difference?


John:
Huh?


Sharon:
And you'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. Wooh!


John:
So you'll just work us to death?


Sharon:
We'll sure try.



(Everyone laughs while John looks uncomfortable. The tram converts into a boat that flows down a log-flume style ramp with honey in it, then converts back to a wheeled tram at the end.)



(With the tour over, Zach and John head home. Zach jumps with excitement.)


Zach:
Wow! That blew my mind!


John:
"What's the difference?" Zach, how could you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make.


Zach:
Well, I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.


John:
But, Zach, how could they never have told us that?


Zach:
John, why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.



(a filling station attendant yells at a bee for putting the honey nozzle into his own mouth.)


John:
Yeah, but Zach, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here?


Zach:
Like what? Give me one example.



(both stop in the middle of an intersection. the traffic adjusts to drive around them.)


John:
I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.


Announcer over speaker:
Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach.


John:
Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!


Zach:
Wow.



(Pollen Jocks fly into the hive and land.)


Zach:
I've never seen them this close.


John:
They know what it's like to go outside the hive.


Zach:
Yeah, but some of them don't come back.



(two lady bees wave at the jocks and call out:)
Hey, Jocks!
Hi, Jocks!



(the pollen is removed from the jocks and collected into storage capsules marked "Nectar", then trucked away. A Swaggy flies over to welcome them.)


Swaggy:
You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!


John:
I wonder where those guys have just been.


Zach:
I don't know.


John:
Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.


Zach:
You can't just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.


John:
Right. (pollen begins drifting down around them) Look at that. That's more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime.


Zach:
It's just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it.


John:
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.



(the same two lady bees giggle at being talked about by John)


Zach:
Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too?


John:
Distant. Distant.


Liz:
Look at these two.


Natalie:
Couple of Hive Harrys.


Liz:
Let's have some fun with them.


Autumn:
It must be so dangerous being a Pollen Jock.


John:
Oh, yeah. One time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom! He had one paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me back and forth across the face!


Chelsia:
Oh, my!


John:
I never thought I'd knock him out.


Autumn:
(to Zach) And what were you doing during all of this?


Zach:
Obviously, I was trying to alert the authorities.


John:
I can autograph that if you want.


Liz:
A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades?


John:
Yeah. Gusty.


Daigle:
Yeah, we're gonna hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow.


John:
Six miles, huh?


Zach:
John!


Daigle:
It's a puddle jump for us, but, uh, maybe you're not up for it.


John:
Maybe I am.


Zach:
(quietly:) You are not.


Daigle:
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.


Zach:
Woah!


Daigle:
What do you think, Daigley-boy? Are you bee enough?


John:
I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means.



(later, back at home that night, John is on the balcony, looking out at the hive)


Dad:
Hey, Honex!


John:
Oh! Dad, you surprised me.


Dad
(laughing) Have you decided what you're interested in, son?


John:
Well, there's a lot of choices.


Dad:
But you only get one. (laughs again)


John:
Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day?


Dad:
Son, let me tell you something about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing.


John:
You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me.


Dad:
And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger.


John:
Well, no...


Dad:
Kat, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!


Mom:
Oh, John, you are so funny sometimes.


John:
I'm not trying to be funny.


Dad:
You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!


Mom:
You're gonna be a stirrer?


John:
No one's listening to me!


Dad:
Wait till you see the sticks I have for you.


John:
I could say anything I want right now. (in sing-song) I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!


Mom:
Oh, let's open some fresh honey and celebrate!


John:
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.



(Mom and dad start walking away. Dad raises his glass and says, "To honey!")


John:
Shave my antennae.


Mom:
So funny.


John:
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and start call everybody "dawg"!


Dad:
I'm so proud.



(John and Zach arrive the next morning at the job selection booth.)


Zach:
I can't believe we're starting work today!


John:
Today's the day.


Zach:
Come on! All the good jobs will be gone.


John:
(unenthused) Yeah, right.



(Steven Daigle at his second job, located at the desk in front of the Honex Job Placement Board)


Daigle:
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...


Lisa Donahue:
Is it still available?

Hang on. Two left! And ... one of them's yours! Congratulations! son, Step to the side, please.
Daigle:




Narrator:
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.


Zach:
What'd you get?


Lisa:
Picking the crud out.


Zach:
Woah.


Lisa:
That is stellar!


Zach:
Wow!


Daigle:
Couple of newbies?


Zach:
Yes, sir! Our first day! And we are ready!


Daigle:
Well, step up and make your choice.


Zach:
(to John) Do you want to go first?


John:
Uh, no, you go.


Zach:
Oh, my. What's available?


Daigle:
Restroom attendant's always open, and not for the reason you think.


Zach:
Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, sir?


Daigle:
Sure, you're on. (status for Krelman worker changes suddenly) Oh, I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.


Zach:
Oh!


Daigle:
Wax monkey's always open. And the Krelman just opened up again.


Zach:
What happened?


Daigle:
Well, whenever a bee dies, that's an opening. See that? He's dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that's life!


Zach:
Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna ball polisher, mite wrangler.... John, what do you think I should... John? John!


Swaggy:
All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place...



(Zach calls John.) What happened to you? Where are you?


John:
I'm going out.


Zach:
Out? Out where?


John:
Out there.


Zach:
Oh, no!


John:
I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.


Zach:
You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?


John:
Oh, another call coming in.



(John hangs up as Zach says again, "You're crazy!")


Swaggy:
If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today.


John:
Hey, guys.


Daigle:
Well, look at that.


Natalie:
Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?


Swaggy:
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.


Liz:
It's okay, Chris. We're gonna take him up.


Natalie:
Yeah.


Swaggy:
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?


Flight crew bee:
(holds clipboard for John) Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you.


Swaggy:
Okay, you got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada!


John:
That's awful.


Swaggy:
And a reminder for allyou rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions!



(the Pollen Jocks begin chanting "Daigle, Daigle, Daigle, Daigle!" over and over as they change positions)


Swaggy:
Black and yellow!


all Jocks respond:
Hello!


Andrew Gordon:
You ready for this, hot shot?


John:
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.



(the Pollen Jocks begin calling out their flight preparations:)
Wind, check.
Antennae, check.
Nectar pack, check.
Wings, check.
Stinger, check.


John:
Scared out of my shorts, check.


Swaggy:
Okay, ladies, let's move it out!



(flight crews help the Jocks get their wings started)


Swaggy:
Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers!



(all depart)


John:
Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. Woah-ho-ho! I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Woah-ho-ho-ho! Fuh-lo-wuhs!


Natalie:
This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.


John:
Roses!


Liz:
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.


Amy Crews:
Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick.


John:
Oh, that is one nectar collector!


Amy Crews:
You ever see pollination up close?


John:
No, sir.


Amy Crews:
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. ain’t it?


John:
Wow, that's amazing. Why do we do that?


Amy Crews:
That's pollen power, kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.


John:
Cool.


Daigle:
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Could be daisies. Don't we need those?


Natalie:
Copy that visual.


Daigle:
Hold on! One of these flowers seems to be on the move.


Natalie:
Say again? Are you reporting a moving flower?


Daigle:
Affirmative.



(the three bees land to check out the objects)


Joe:
(in the distance:) That was on the line!


Natalie:
This is the coolest. What is it?


Liz:
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.


Natalie:
Ah, it smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it.


Liz:
Yeah, fuzzy.


Daigle:
Chemical-ly.


Liz:
Careful, guys, it's a little grabby.


John:
(lands on one of the objects and hugs it) My sweet lord of bees!


Liz:
Hey, candy-brain, get off there!


John:
Problem!



(a woman picks up the tennis ball John is stuck to and walks back to the serving line)


John:
Guys!


Daigle:
This could be bad.


Liz:
Affirmative.



(as the woman bounces the ball a few times, John's still stuck to it and says on each bounce:)
Very close.
Gonna hurt.
Mama's little boy.


Natalie:
You are way out of position, rookie!



(John screams as the woman hits the ball)


Joe:
Coming in at you like a missile!


John:
Help me!


Liz:
You know, I don't think these are flowers.


Natalie:
Should we tell him?


Liz:
I think he knows.


John:
(screaming:) What is this?!


Joe:
Match point! You can just start packing up, honey, because I believe you're about to eat it!



(Liz clears his throat, distracting Joe, causing Joe to hit the ball, sending it high into the air and into the street)


Joe:
What! Oh, no, Oh,you cannot be serious!

Yowser!
(John gets sucked into the engine compartment of a passing car, into the engine, before escaping through a hole and into the car's air conditioning system, where he sees a dead bug stuck to the filter.)
Eww, gross.
John:


Lisa:
Yeah!


If you decide I don't deserve participation points for this I completely understand in fact you should be taking points away from me. Have a goodnight <3!